Again, it's my birthday...., November first, the day of tiger. I personally like my birthday, but unfortunately, there has been more sad memory on my birhday than happy moments. In my history, something bad always happended on special days. Often due to problems within the family. Regardless, I feel bad about getting older without making much of progress. I believe age should be like getting a dan(grade) in kendo. If you would relate kendo to life, you should become more mature and better as you age. That is our task and responsibility. As I get older, things must change or they just change for reasons. I feel my life will change soon. It maybe turning point of my life. I feel like I am the river boat going down the stream that are ready to fall . I probably have to quit my job and/or kendo. The people who don't know me, they judge me only by my appearance but I am going through lot more hardship than what people see. My personal/family problems which I can't reveal to anyone, that keep me from bringing special someone into my life. Obviously I am not happy about how things may turn out. However, I will not blame anyone or run away from the problem because it was my fault that I didn't do better when I had the chance and it is my responsibility to take care of it. Perhaps I am crying for help now, because I am smiling outside but crying inside. | 
